‫- PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD...
‫- YOU THINK I'M TRYING ‫TO LURE YOU AWAY FROM JAKE?
‫- YES!
‫- MATTY'S ‫BEEN ACTING WEIRD LATELY.
‫HAVE YOU NOTICED? ‫both: TRUCE.
‫- I HAD FAITH THAT MATTY AND I ‫HAD POTENTIAL TO BE FRIENDS.
‫[class bell rings]
‫[upbeat pop music]
‫- LOVE IS A SHAM!
‫- JEALOUSY ALWAYS HAD A WAY
‫OF BRINGING OUT THE WORST ‫IN PEOPLE.
‫- AMY! ‫I GAVE YOU MY HEART,
‫MY SOUL, ‫MY SWEATSHIRT!
‫I GAVE HER THAT SWEATSHIRT.
‫- BAD BREAKUP? ‫- 10.5 ON THE DICK-TER SCALE.
‫TONY CAUGHT AMY WITH LEVI ‫AT HIS SISTER'S QUINCEANERA.
‫- OUCH. WASN'T THAT PARTY ‫OVER A MONTH AGO?
‫CLEARLY, THE FACT ‫THAT IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY
‫WAS GIVING TONY P.T.X.D.--
‫POST TRAUMATIC EX DISORDER.
‫- I HATE THIS HOLIDAY.
‫- V-DAY HAD DIVIDED THE SCHOOL ‫INTO LOVERS AND HATERS,
‫AND I WAS A LOVER.
‫'CAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME, ‫MY DAD WASN'T MY ONLY VALENTINE.
‫I FINALLY HAD NO REASON ‫TO HATE ON HALLMARK
‫BECAUSE I HAD ‫A PERFECT BOYFRIEND.
‫THERE WAS NOTHING ‫TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT.
‫I WAS GONNA ‫ENJOY THE DAY...
‫- LOVE SUCKS!
‫- AS A HUMAN TARGET.
‫[computer keys clicking]
‫[bang]
‫- NICE LOOK.
‫- I WAS THE VICTIM ‫OF A LOVE-HATE CRIME.
‫- THE PRICE YOU PAY ‫FOR P.D.A.
‫ANYWAY, I NEED SOME ADVICE.
‫WHAT MAKES THE PERFECT DATE ‫FOR A VALENTINE?
‫- SO JAKE HAD SENT MATTY OVER ‫TO GET SOME COVERT INTEL.
‫WELL, SOMEPLACE CLOSE ‫IS GOOD.
‫- KEEP IT LOCAL. ‫GOT IT.
‫- AND IT'S KIND OF A BUZZKILL ‫IF YOU NEED A TRANSLATOR
‫TO READ THE MENU. ‫- AND NOT TOO FANCY.
‫- AND VERY IMPORTANT-- ‫THE PLACE SHOULD BE QUIET,
‫SO YOU CAN TALK.
‫I'D HIGHLY RECOMMEND BISTO'S.
‫- WHAT ABOUT FLOWERS? ‫- FLOWERS ARE GREAT.
‫BUT NOT CARNATIONS ‫OR ANYTHING WITH BABY'S BREATH.
‫- [laughs]
‫DOES THAT SMELL LIKE BOOBS? ‫- GROSS.
‫PERSONALLY, I PREFER TULIPS.
‫- HEY, SORRY I HAD ‫TO KISS AND RUN.
‫I LEFT SOMETHING FOR YOU ‫IN MY CAR.
‫WHAT'S UP?
‫- NOTHING. ‫I GOTTA GO.
‫- ALL RIGHT. ‫- LATER.
‫- SO HERE'S THE SOMETHING ‫THAT I FORGOT.
‫- OH!
‫YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
‫I'VE ALWAYS LOVED... ‫- [raspy] LOVE.
‫- BEETLES? ‫- IT'S A LOVE BUG.
‫YOU KNOW, ‫LIKE A BUG THAT BRINGS...
‫NEVER MIND.
‫[titters]
‫SO TONIGHT... ‫- [giggles]
‫- I WAS THINKING, UH, ‫PICK YOU UP AT ABOUT 7:00?
‫[fades] DOES THAT GIVE YOU ‫ENOUGH TIME TO GET READY?
‫- [intensified giggle]
‫- I'M SORRY. ‫- WHAT? WHY?
‫- THE BUG. ‫IT WAS AN IMPULSE BUY.
‫I PROMISE, TONIGHT, ‫EVERYTHING WILL BE BETTER.
‫- IT'S ADORABLE. ‫I LOVE MY BUG.
‫[locker shuts]
‫SO MATTY AND THAT FRESHMAN-- ‫ARE THEY DATING?
‫- DATING? NO.
‫HE'S ABOUT ‫TO HOOK, LINE, AND SINK HER.
‫- RIGHT. ‫DATING IS SO NOT MATTY.
‫WHICH WASN'T ENTIRELY TRUE.
‫WE HAD GONE ON A DATE.
‫MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T TELL YOU?
‫- NAH. HE'D TELL ME.
‫BESIDES, VALENTINE'S DAY ‫IS SAPPY,
‫AND THAT KID ‫DOES NOT DO SAPPY.
‫- I HATE SKANKS.
‫AND SENTIMENTALITY.
‫UGH, ALL THIS V-DAY CRAP ‫IS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS.
‫- YOU'RE SUCH A SCROOGE.
‫- SCROOGE HATED CHRISTMAS, ‫DIP-HOLE.
‫I DON'T KNOW WHAT ‫YOU'RE SO AMPED UP ABOUT.
‫YOU'RE SINGLE.
‫- AND YOU'RE MEAN. ‫AND SINGLE.
‫SO TONIGHT, I WAS THINKING ‫WE COULD KICK OFF
‫OUR CARBS-ONLY MOVIE MARATHON ‫WITH A CLASSIC LOVE STORY--
‫IN YOUR HONOR-- ‫LIKE MEAN GIRLS.
‫- AS PATHETIC ‫AS THAT SOUNDS,
‫I THINK ‫I'M JUST GONNA STAY HOME.
‫- BUT IT'S TRADITION.
‫- MAYBE IT'S A HEAVY FLOW DAY. ‫I DON'T KNOW.
‫I'M JUST FEELING ‫ESPECIALLY BITCHY TODAY.
‫- AND HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT ‫FROM EVERY OTHER DAY?
‫[class bell rings]
‫- HE GAVE YOU A COCKROACH?
‫- IT'S A LOVE BUG.
‫I SWEAR, VALENTINE'S IS TOTALLY ‫RACIST AGAINST SINGLE PEOPLE!
‫- IT'S JUST A TOY THAT HE ‫PROBABLY GOT AT THE CAR WASH.
‫- DON'T TRY ‫TO CLIMB INTO OUR LOVE GHETTO.
‫YOU KNOW JAKE IS GONNA ‫PLAN SOMETHING FANTASMIC
‫FOR YOU TONIGHT.
‫HE PROBABLY COMMISSIONED ‫A PORTRAIT OF YOU GUYS
‫MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF SKITTLES.
‫- WHO WANTS ‫TO EAT THEIR OWN FACE?
‫- UH, I DO.
‫BUT INSTEAD I'LL BE PLANTED ‫IN FRONT OF MY DVR
‫DOING SHOTS OF CYANIDE ‫WITH YOU.
‫- NOT THIS YEAR.
‫I'M GOING TO THE B.H.P.
‫- THE BLACK HEARTS PARTY?
‫- WHAT IS THAT?
‫- ONLY THE EVENT ‫FOR THE SINGLE AND BITTER!
‫WHAT TIME ARE WE ROLLING IN? ‫IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO EARLY,
‫YET IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO LATE ‫BECAUSE IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT.
‫- T, YOU MIGHT WANT ‫TO SKIP THIS ONE.
‫- WHY? WHO'S MORE SINGLE ‫AND BITTER THAN ME?
‫WELL, BESIDES TONY.
‫- TRUST ME, ‫YOU DON'T WANT TO GO.
‫- TRUST ME, I DO. ‫- YOU CAN'T!
‫RICKY'S GOING TO BE THERE.
‫AND HE'S IN LOVE.
‫- I CALL SHENANIGANS.
‫- PEOPLE ARE TALKING.
‫- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ‫ABOUT RICKY SCHWARTZ.
‫THE ONLY TIME ‫HE USES THE "L" WORD
‫IS FOR BURRITOS ‫AND LESBIAN PORN.
‫BESIDES, IF HE FELL IN LOVE ‫THAT FAST,
‫THEN I MEANT NOTHING TO HIM,
‫AND THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. ‫JENNA, CONFIRM.
‫THIS IS WHAT EXES DO.
‫THEY MAKE UP RUMORS ‫TO GET INTO YOUR HEAD,
‫TO SCREW WITH YOU. ‫I'M RIGHT, RIGHT?
‫- RIGHT.
‫ABOUT RICKY.
‫BUT THAT RULE DOESN'T APPLY ‫TO ALL EXES.
‫MATTY AND I DON'T PLAY ‫HEAD GAMES.
‫OR DID WE?
‫HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THAT GIRL ‫MATTY'S BEEN HANGING OUT WITH?
‫- YES. ‫- YES.
‫- DO YOU THINK ‫SHE'S ATTRACTIVE?
‫- YES. ‫- YES.
‫- I GUESS, ‫IF YOU'RE INTO A LOT OF MAKEUP.
‫WHAT? ‫I'M JUST CURIOUS
‫AS TO WHAT SHE'S HIDING ‫UNDER ALL THAT.
‫- NOBODY LIKES ‫A GREEN-EYED MONSTER.
‫- I'M NOT JEALOUS.
‫MY FRIENDS ARE ALLOWED ‫TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
‫IT'S JUST THAT THIS NEW FRIEND ‫DOESN'T REALLY MEET
‫MY OLD FRIEND'S STANDARDS.
‫- SO THE NEW FRIEND ‫IS SUPER RAD?
‫- NO.
‫- THEN WHY DO YOU SEEM ‫SO JEALOUS?
‫- [snickers] JUST BECAUSE ‫SOMEONE SEEMS JEALOUS
‫DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE.
‫- ACTUALLY, ‫IT PROBABLY DOES.
‫AND I GET IT.
‫IT IS NOT FUN ‫TO FEEL REPLACED.
‫- IRONICALLY, VAL HAD BECOME ‫A LOT MORE INSIGHTFUL
‫SINCE SHE LEFT ‫THE GUIDANCE OFFICE.
‫- DON'T FEEL THREATENED.
‫YOUR MOM AND I ‫WERE JUST BEING BUDS
‫WHEN WE WENT OUT FOR ‫A GIRLS NIGHT LAST WEEK.
‫- YOU HUNG OUT WITH MY MOM?
‫- REALLY, JENNA,
‫IT WAS JUST DINNER ‫BETWEEN TWO FRIENDS.
‫BUT THE FEELINGS YOU'RE HAVING ‫ARE NORMAL.
‫DON'T YOU WORRY.
‫I WILL NEVER PUT YOU ‫IN THE BACKSEAT.
‫AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, ‫YOU GOT PERMANENT SHOTGUN.
‫- GREAT.
‫- ONE MORE THING.
‫[candy scrapes across table]
‫SORRY.
‫THAT'S NOT FOR YOU.
‫SAVING THAT FOR ALOK.
‫LOST A LITTLE BIT OF THE "K."
‫BUT WE FRENCH KISS, ‫SO HE WON'T MIND.
‫THIS ONE IS FOR YOU.
‫YOU'LL ALWAYS BE
‫MY BFF--
‫STANDS FOREVER.
‫- SO I MADE THE USUAL ‫RESERVATION AT THE RED ONION
‫FOR OUR VALENTINE'S DINNER.
‫- HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, ‫BUT I HAVE A REAL DATE TONIGHT.
‫- OH, ACTUALLY ‫IT DOESN'T LOOK
‫LIKE YOU HATED BREAKING THAT ‫TO ME AT ALL.
‫- BET MOM'S NOT DOING ANYTHING ‫TONIGHT.
‫TAKE HER OUT AND FINALLY HAVE ‫A VALENTINE'S DINNER
‫WITHOUT YOUR ANNOYING KID ‫TAGGING ALONG.
‫- NOT THIS YEAR, KIDDO.
‫- [laughs]
‫WHAT A SURPRISE!
‫I DIDN'T KNOW ‫YOU WERE PICKING JENNA UP TODAY.
‫IT'S A LITTLE HARD ‫TO KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING
‫WITH SO MUCH ‫ON MY PLATE.
‫- LIKE WHAT?
‫- LIKE ALL OF MY EVENTS ‫WITH ALL OF MY NEW FRIENDS.
‫- THE OLD FRIEND BIT.
‫SHE WAS POSTURING.
‫- HOW ABOUT YOU?
‫- NOPE. ‫NOT MUCH TO TELL.
‫EXCEPT THAT ‫OUR DAUGHTER'S HOME SAFE...
‫AND I'M GONNA GO.
‫HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, LACE.
‫- YOU TOO!
‫- LOTS TO DO? ‫LIKE WHAT?
‫HANG OUT WITH ‫MY OLD GUIDANCE COUNSELOR?
‫YOU KNOW WHAT?
‫I BET THERE'S A GOOD ‫LIFETIME MARATHON ON TONIGHT.
‫SO WHY DON'T YOU WATCH THAT
‫AND GIVE ME THE PLAY-BY-PLAY ‫WHEN I GET HOME FROM MY DATE?
‫- OR YOU CAN CATCH THE END WITH ‫ME WHEN YOU'RE HOME BY 10:00.
‫- I'M SORRY I DIDN'T OPEN ‫THE DOOR FOR YOU.
‫THIS WHOLE CURFEW THING
‫IS REALLY THROWING OFF ‫MY TIMETABLE FOR THE NIGHT.
‫I JUST REALLY WANT EVERYTHING ‫TO BE PERFECT.
‫- AND IT ALREADY IS.
‫STARTING WITH ‫THE GREAT RESTAURANT.
‫THANKS TO MY SUGGESTION.
‫- THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT.
‫GOOD FOOD, NOT TOO NOISY, ‫SO WE CAN, UH--
‫- TALK? ‫- EXACTLY.
‫- ROSATI FOR TWO. ‫- YEAH.
‫- I'VE GOT ‫THE PERFECT TABLE.
‫[romantic music]
‫*
‫- THE MAITRE D' WAS WRONG.
‫AND SO WAS JAKE.
‫NOT ONLY WAS MATTY DATING,
‫HE WAS ON MY DATE.
‫WOW! THIS IS A...
‫- A COINCIDENCE. ‫- OR A TOTAL SETUP.
‫I COULD SMELL A RAT.
‫OR WAS IT THE SCENT ‫OF A CHEAP, FRESHMAN BARBIE?
‫- IS THERE A PROBLEM?
‫- I REQUESTED ‫A WINDOW TABLE.
‫- UNFORTUNATELY, ‫WE ARE BOOKED SOLID.
‫- I GUESS WE'RE SITTING. ‫[titters]
‫[mellow pop music]
‫*
‫- HEY, YOU GUYS HAVEN'T MET. ‫COURTNEY. JAKE.
‫both: HI. ‫- AND THIS IS...
‫- THE GIRL HE DEFLOWERED ‫AT SUMMER CAMP.
‫- JENNA.
‫- NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS.
‫MATTY, THIS PLACE ‫IS SO ROMANTIC.
‫OOH.
‫GOOD THING YOUR ASS IS SMALL. ‫YOU ALMOST STAINED MY SKIRT.
‫- YEAH, GOOD THING.
‫AND GOOD THING ‫I DUMPED HER DATE,
‫OR HER ASS WOULD HAVE BEEN ‫FIRMLY PLANTED ON HER COUCH.
‫ALONE. ‫- I'M REALLY SORRY.
‫I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING ‫A LITTLE MORE PRIVATE.
‫- IT'S FINE.
‫BECAUSE WE WERE MATURE.
‫WELL, MOST OF US.
‫- I CAN TALK ‫TO THE HOST AGAIN.
‫- LET'S JUST FOCUS ON US.
‫WE WON'T EVEN KNOW ‫THEY'RE HERE.
‫- ARE YOU GONNA USE ‫THAT EXTRA NAPKIN?
‫THANKS. ‫- MM.
‫[electronic music]
‫*
‫- TELL ME THIS.
‫IF RICKY'S ‫SO IN LOVE,
‫WHY IS HE ‫AT A SINGLES PARTY?
‫- THE MAFIA IS NEVER WRONG.
‫- [gasps] QUICK, ‫ACT CROSS-FADED.
‫[laughter]
‫- HEY, MING. ‫TAMARA. 'SUP?
‫- [laughs]
‫DID YOU SEE THAT?
‫HE JUST BREEZED ON BY ‫LIKE I WAS INVISIBLE.
‫- NO, HE SAW YOU. ‫HE SAID YOUR NAME.
‫- EXACTLY. MY NAME, ‫NOT "BEAUTIFUL" OR "BABE."
‫HE IS ABSOLUTELY [bleep] ‫WITH ME, BUT THE JOKE IS ON HIM
‫BECAUSE I DON'T CARE.
‫NOW HELP ME FIND SOMEONE ‫TO DRY HUMP.
‫[mellow pop music]
‫*
‫- ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ‫TO SEND IT BACK?
‫- I CAN JUST EAT ‫AROUND THEM.
‫- OH, NOT A GOOD IDEA.
‫HERE, GIVE THEM TO ME. ‫YEAH.
‫OH, LITTLE CHICKEN THERE.
‫SHE'S ALLERGIC.
‫- YOU'RE ALLERGIC?
‫- A LITTLE.
‫I'VE MENTIONED IT BEFORE.
‫- YEAH, SHE HAS.
‫OTHERWISE, ‫HOW WOULD I KNOW?
‫YOU GOTTA TRY THIS.
‫- MMM. ‫[laughter]
‫- LOOK, LET ME GET YOU ‫SOMETHING ELSE.
‫WAITER? ‫- NO, NO, NO.
‫I'M FINE ‫WITH BREADSTICKS.
‫SEE? ‫AHH.
‫- OH, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? ‫I'LL TAKE ONE.
‫- JAKE, NO, NO, NO, DON'T WORRY, ‫I DON'T WANT ONE.
‫- I WANT TO. ‫- IT'S SUCH A WASTE.
‫- UNA ROSA, POR FAVOR. ‫- [gasps, squeals]
‫- ACTUALLY, ‫THEY ARE REALLY PRETTY.
‫- FIRST TULIPS ‫AND NOW THIS?
‫- DO YOU WANT ME ‫TO CHASE HER DOWN?
‫I CAN DO THAT.
‫- BIZATCH.
‫NOT ONLY HAD SHE CRASHED ‫MY PERFECT DATE,
‫BUT SHE'D ALSO SNAKED ‫MY PERFECT FLOWERS,
‫WHICH I SUDDENLY REALIZED WERE ‫GLARINGLY ABSENT FROM MY NIGHT.
‫- YEAH, THE ZITI'S ‫PRETTY GOOD,
‫BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST, ‫NOT AS GOOD AS MINE.
‫- YOU COOK? ‫- [chuckles]
‫THAT'S HILARIOUS. ‫- EXCUSE ME?
‫- YOU CAN'T EVEN COOK ‫A POP-TART, BRO.
‫- UH, WHO MADE THAT AMAZING ‫FRENCH TOAST LAST WEEKEND?
‫- YOUR MOM. ‫- AFTER I SET HER UP.
‫- [laughs] ‫THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
‫- [laughs]
‫- HAVE YOU EVER USED A WHISK? ‫- ISN'T HE CUTE?
‫I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON A DATE ‫WITH MATTY MCKIBBEN!
‫- EITHER WAY, ‫IT DOESN'T MATTER--
‫- AND NEITHER COULD I.
‫- NORMALLY, ‫EYELINER'S REALLY FEM,
‫BUT YOURS MAKES ME FEEL ‫EMO-SEXUAL.
‫[scoffs] ‫WHATEVER, TWILIGHT.
‫CHOOSE A GENDER.
‫CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY?
‫HOLY PHOTO OP.
‫I JUST REALIZED THIS ‫IS YOUR FIRST RED CUP!
‫OR BLACK CUP. ‫WHATEVER.
‫WE NEED TO TWEET THIS ASAP.
‫HEY, CAN YOU PIXELIZE US?
‫- ALL RIGHT.
‫- SAY, "LOVE SUCKS."
‫both: LOVE SUCKS.
‫- RICKY SCHWARTZ AT 10:00.
‫I NEED SOME LIPS ‫TO SMACK STAT.
‫- SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT.
‫I'VE SUGGESTED ‫ELECTROCONVULSIVE THERAPY BUT...
‫I'LL JUST TAKE THAT ‫BACK NOW.
‫- NO, THE SPAZ IS RIGHT.
‫THIS MOMENT NEEDS ‫TO BE IMMORTALIZED.
‫I'M FRED WU, ‫BY THE WAY.
‫- MING.
‫- WELL, MING-JUST-MING...
‫- [laughs] ‫- SMILE.
‫- BUTTA TEETH. ‫- BUTTA TEETH?
‫- EVERYTHING LOOKED GOOD ‫BUT THE TEETH.
‫I AM TOTALLY SHOOTING ‫IN THE DARK HERE.
‫WHERE ARE ‫THE DAMN LIGHTS?
‫[music stops, all groaning]
‫NOBODY MOVE.
‫[music resumes]
‫ANISH BHATIA BY THE DOOR. ‫EASY TARGET.
‫- NO, THEY HAD NO DEFENSE, ‫JAKE!
‫- BUT OFFENSE IS WHAT GETS YOU ‫IN THE PLAYOFFS.
‫- OKAY, COME HERE. ‫- IT'S--OKAY.
‫- SEE... ‫THIS IS YOUR OFFENSE.
‫NOTHING, LITTLE-- ‫THEY'RE N-NOTHING.
‫- THAT DOESN'T ‫EVEN MAKE ANY--
‫HEY, I'M SORRY.
‫GOING ON ‫ABOUT SOME STUPID GAME
‫WHEN I HAVE THE REAL PRIZE ‫RIGHT HERE.
‫- IT WAS SWEET. ‫WE WERE SWEET.
‫AND SUDDENLY, IT DIDN'T MATTER ‫THAT MY NIGHT HAD BEEN HIJACKED.
‫I HAD JAKE, WHO WOULD HOLD ‫MY HAND IN PUBLIC.
‫COURTNEY WAS NEVER GONNA ‫GET THAT FROM MATTY.
‫OKAY, SO MAYBE NOT NEVER.
‫OH! ‫- OH.
‫BUT HE WAS STILL ‫HIDING HER.
‫RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN.
‫- WAITER, ‫WE NEED SOME ICE.
‫- HE WAS FLAUNTING THEM,
‫AND I WAS TOTALLY JEALOUS.
‫- AW, IT'S ALREADY STARTING ‫TO SWELL.
‫- YEAH, THAT SOUNDED ‫LIKE THAT REALLY HURT.
‫- IT'S FINE, ‫JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.
‫- WELL, I'M GONNA ‫GET SOME ICE.
‫- T, YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
‫I'M NO MORE EVOLVED WITH MATTY ‫THAN YOU ARE WITH RICKY.
‫HE'S HERE ON MY DATE ‫WITH HIS OWN DATE,
‫AND I JUST DON'T KNOW ‫WHAT TO SAY.
‫- I PUT SOME ICE ‫IN A NAPKIN.
‫SORRY IF THERE'S ‫SOME DIET COKE ON IT.
‫- THANKS. ‫- NO, NO, THANK YOU...
‫FOR ALL THE POINTERS.
‫COURTNEY SEEMS LIKE ‫SHE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME, RIGHT?
‫- SUDDENLY, ‫IT ALL MADE SENSE.
‫THE RESTAURANT, THE TULIPS, ‫THE PUBLIC DISPLAY
‫OF DIGITAL CONNECTION.
‫MATTY WAS TRYING ‫TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.
‫- I JUST, UM--
‫I JUST DIDN'T WANT ‫TO SCREW THINGS UP WITH HER
‫LIKE I DID WITH YOU.
‫- HEY, YOU OKAY?
‫- ONLY TIME WOULD TELL.
‫[dance music]
‫- [sighs] ‫WHAT AM I DOING?
‫I HAVE SPENT MY WHOLE NIGHT ‫TRYING TO OUT-DOUCHE A DOUCHE
‫WHO ISN'T EVEN HERE ‫ANYMORE.
‫JEALOUSY IS NOT ‫A GOOD COLOR ON ME.
‫AN NEITHER IS RED ON YOU.
‫- [sighs] RED?
‫- YOU'VE GOT FULL-ON BEER BLUSH ‫HAPPENING.
‫WAIT.
‫WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING?
‫AM I [bleep]-BLOCKING?
‫- YES. ‫- YES.
‫- WELL, WRAP IT UP.
‫I GOTTA PEE, ‫AND THEN WE'RE OUTTY 5,000.
‫OH, GOTTA PEE. ‫EXCUSE ME, SORRY.
‫REALLY GOTTA PEE. ‫OKAY, EXCUSE ME.
‫LOOK, I GET THAT ‫WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE
‫DOESN'T INVOLVE THE KIND ‫OF BODILY FUNCTIONS
‫WE ALL NEED TO PERFORM,
‫BUT THAT'S WHAT CARS ‫WERE MADE FOR.
‫SERIOUSLY, I DRANK TWO BITTER ‫PILLS AND THREE BLOODY CUPIDS,
‫AND I NEED TO PEE!
‫RICKY?
‫[liquid hitting floor]
‫- [laughs]
‫- MING! ‫CAR, NOW!
‫- IT WAS FUN. ‫- [laughs] BE HONEST.
‫ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN,
‫I FIGURE I'M BATTING ‫ABOUT A NEGATIVE 60 RIGHT NOW?
‫- STOP IT.
‫IT'S FOR ME.
‫FROM MY DAD.
‫[chuckles]
‫- GUY'S GOT CRAP TASTE.
‫- TONIGHT WAS AMAZING.
‫AND THESE FLOWERS--
‫WHAT ARE THEY?
‫- CALLA LILIES.
‫STRONG BUT BEAUTIFUL.
‫THEY REMINDED ME OF YOU.
‫- SO MUCH BETTER ‫THAN TULIPS.
‫- TULIPS?
‫TULIPS. ‫- [laughs]
‫- SHOULD I HAVE GOTTEN YOU ‫TULIPS?
‫HOW MANY MORE WAYS ‫CAN I SCREW UP THIS DAY?
‫- THE REAL QUESTION WAS, ‫HOW MANY WAYS COULD I?
‫I ALMOST LET MY JEALOUSY ‫RUIN THE NIGHT
‫'CAUSE JAKE NEVER ASKED MATTY TO ‫GET INTEL ABOUT WHAT I WANTED.
‫HE DIDN'T HAVE TO. ‫HE JUST KNEW.
‫YOU DIDN'T SCREW UP ANYTHING. ‫- NO, I DID.
‫I'VE BEEN A NERVOUS WRECK ‫ALL DAY
‫AND BOTCHING EVERYTHING ‫BECAUSE...
‫- THIS WAS THE BEST DATE EVER. ‫- I LOVE YOU, JENNA.
‫- WHAT?
‫- I LOVE YOU.
‫[upbeat music]
‫*
‫- AWESOME.
‫- YEAH.
‫UM...
‫HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
‫- YOU'RE LATE.
‫AND DON'T EVEN BOTHER SHOWING ME ‫WHAT HE GAVE YOU.
‫I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT.
‫- I COULD HAVE ‫AND MAYBE SHOULD HAVE
‫RUBBED MY V-DAY BOOTY
‫IN MY MOTHER'S FACE, ‫BUT I WASN'T HEARTLESS.
‫ACTUALLY, THIS WAS ‫AT THE DOOR FOR YOU.
‫IT'S FROM DAD.
‫- REALLY?
‫- GOOD NIGHT, MOM.
‫[laid-back rock music]
‫*
‫- WHAT IS IT?
‫- A BEETLE.
‫- [raspy] ‫LOVE.
‫- [crying]
‫- JENNA. ‫- T, WHAT ARE YOU--
‫- RICKY'S IN LOVE... ‫WITH SADIE.
‫AM I REALLY ‫SO HIDEOUS THAT
‫HE'D CHOOSE DARTH HATER OVER ME? ‫- WHAT?
‫SCREW RICKY SCHWARTZ.
‫- BUT RICKY IS--
‫- NO BUTS. ‫YOU'RE AMAZING.
‫IF HE WANTS TO BE WITH SADIE, ‫LET HIM.
‫THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER.
‫- IT'S JUST REALLY HARD ‫WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT
‫MOVES ON BEFORE YOU DO.
‫- IT WAS.
‫I HAD MOVED ON WITH JAKE,
‫SO WHY SHOULDN'T MATTY ‫MOVE ON TOO?
‫- WHAT IF NOBODY ‫EVER LOVES ME?
‫- HEY, I LOVE YOU.
‫- YEAH, BUT NOBODY GOOD ‫LOVES ME.
‫[laughter]
‫- T, WHY ARE YOU WEARING ‫MY PANTS?
‫- I PEED IN MINE.
‫[laughter]
‫NEXT ON AWKWARD
‫ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH JAKE?
‫- IT'S NOT THAT ‫I DON'T FEEL SOMETHING,
‫IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT SURE ‫I FEEL IT.
‫- WHEN DID YOU GUYS HAVE SEX? ‫- WE HAVEN'T.
‫- THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY ‫I LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX.
‫- COME ON, MAN. ‫THERE ISN'T AN ORDER.
‫- WE KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE ‫WITH MATTY,
‫BUT WHEN DID YOU KNOW? ‫- AFTER WE HAD SEX.
‫- OKAY, YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX ‫WITH JAKE.
‫THEN YOU'LL KNOW.
‫- I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE SEX.
‫[all gasp] ‫- OH.